Generation NEXT ??

I started all by just learning to curse,
Broke many hearts with a mind so coarse.
Then HE came to me to make things worse,
And became the rider of my mind's horse.

My command was his ruthless wish,
My command was his ruthless wish.
HE was with me to make me more rash
My command was his ruthless wish.

Gave me a gun and ordered to kill,
I had to do it against my will
Killed my brother and killed my sister,
And my father and my loving mother.

I'm longer young as i used to be,
No longer strong as HE want me to be.
So left me to rot in this dark hole
Without anyone by my side, not a single soul.

When the pain crawled through my vein,
Eating my flesh and my brain, I cried in vain
Going back seems impossible and I don’t want to,
Don't save me from this, God, You don’t have to.

I am reaping what I sowed
The puzzles I created which cant be solved.
This pain shall never end.
Never ever end.